you wrote that like you meant it. the emotional payoff lands hard—not just because darlo dies, but because of the way he dies. the pacing, the fragmentation of tireth’s thoughts, the way the world seems to fall apart right alongside him—it’s like the writing itself is grieving. you didn’t just describe pain, you made the reader sit in it. especially with that last line. that “happy hazing birthday”? that’s a knife twist, but it doesn’t feel cheap—it feels earned.
also, the fight choreography was intense without being confusing, which is ridiculously hard to pull off. the gusts of wind as tireth powers up, the fire transferring from darlo to the arin soldier, the flash of recognition, the slow withdrawal—it all layered together to keep tension high even after the “climax” of darlo’s death.
if you do the combination like you mentioned, id follow you in a heartbeat. because i loved every second of this🤍🤍
Thank you, this means a lot. I cried after I finished writing this chapter, and had to take a couple days away from writing! I always find fight scenes really difficult to read, and when I watch movie adaptations I try to compare how they are written. I play them through my head on repeat, but I always worry that I haven't managed to communicate them well. Clearly, it paid off! I hope you enjoy the next chapters of this story, once I share them! :)
i’m really glad you took time with that scene, because it shows. it didn’t feel like just a fight, it felt like grief moving mid-swing. there were stakes in every movement. you pulled off the kind of emotional choreography that’s so hard to balance in writing: pacing, impact, clarity… all while keeping the soul of it intact.
and honestly? it’s not just “communicated well”—it’s felt. that’s rarer than you think.
do take your time with the next chapters. the way you’re writing deserves space. i can’t wait.
Aw thank you! I actually have about 35k of this story written, but its the first and last 10 and then random bits in the middle. Maybe I'll start posting a bit every week, motivate myself to actually write it :)
wow. that hurt. in the best way.
you wrote that like you meant it. the emotional payoff lands hard—not just because darlo dies, but because of the way he dies. the pacing, the fragmentation of tireth’s thoughts, the way the world seems to fall apart right alongside him—it’s like the writing itself is grieving. you didn’t just describe pain, you made the reader sit in it. especially with that last line. that “happy hazing birthday”? that’s a knife twist, but it doesn’t feel cheap—it feels earned.
also, the fight choreography was intense without being confusing, which is ridiculously hard to pull off. the gusts of wind as tireth powers up, the fire transferring from darlo to the arin soldier, the flash of recognition, the slow withdrawal—it all layered together to keep tension high even after the “climax” of darlo’s death.
if you do the combination like you mentioned, id follow you in a heartbeat. because i loved every second of this🤍🤍
Thank you, this means a lot. I cried after I finished writing this chapter, and had to take a couple days away from writing! I always find fight scenes really difficult to read, and when I watch movie adaptations I try to compare how they are written. I play them through my head on repeat, but I always worry that I haven't managed to communicate them well. Clearly, it paid off! I hope you enjoy the next chapters of this story, once I share them! :)
i’m really glad you took time with that scene, because it shows. it didn’t feel like just a fight, it felt like grief moving mid-swing. there were stakes in every movement. you pulled off the kind of emotional choreography that’s so hard to balance in writing: pacing, impact, clarity… all while keeping the soul of it intact.
and honestly? it’s not just “communicated well”—it’s felt. that’s rarer than you think.
do take your time with the next chapters. the way you’re writing deserves space. i can’t wait.
if you ever have more of this post please do!! i really enjoyed it!
Aw thank you! I actually have about 35k of this story written, but its the first and last 10 and then random bits in the middle. Maybe I'll start posting a bit every week, motivate myself to actually write it :)
you should!!